105. Presence Is the Portal: Priestess Wisdom, Desire, & Deep Trust with Mayra Leen

In this episode of Sex, Drugs, & Soul, I sit down with Mayra Leen — author, hypnotherapist, and priestess — for a deep, embodied conversation on presence, feminine integration, desire, intuition, and living outside societal structures.

Mayra shares her journey from corporate success and burnout into priestess embodiment, the truth about rest versus aliveness, and why presence itself is the portal to everything we want. Together, we explore money as energy, separating work from worth, non-monogamy and creative relationship models, trusting intuition through play, and the danger of turning healing into a never-ending project.

This episode is an invitation to claim arrival, not as an endpoint, but as a lived experience of being here, now, and fully alive.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome + What’s Alive Right Now
01:20 – The Priestess Archetype & Collective Awakening
05:05 – Corporate Success, Capricorn Energy, & Burnout
09:40 – The Moment Everything Shifted
11:30 – Dropping Into the Feminine During COVID
13:35 – Feminine ≠ Rest Only: Integration Matters
15:40 – Soft Girl Era Myths & Common Mistakes
17:25 – Rest vs. Aliveness
19:50 – Priestess Weekends & Living Ritual
22:10 – Money, Devotion, & Being Paid for Being
25:45 – Presence as Medicine
28:25 – Trusting Intuition & Self-Leadership
36:10 – The “Eight Husbands” Concept
42:30 – Non-Monogamy, Depth, & Creative Relationships
49:50 – Presence as a Portal
57:30 – Feeling Emotions & Clearing the Backlog
1:01:00 – Claiming Arrival

🌐 Connect with Mayra:
•⁠  ⁠Website: www.mayraleen.com
•⁠  ⁠Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayraleen/

✨ Offer for Listeners:
Exclusive invitation to Wet, Wild, and Wealthy Online Membership.
Use code WETWELCOME to receive one month free of live calls with Mayra.

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Transcript

Kristin (00:00.056)
So welcome back guys. We're already rocking and rolling, but I wanted to introduce and bring on Mayra Leen. She is an author, hypnotherapist, priestess, which I think we're gonna get in and digest what exactly that is. If you're not sure about the terminology or like her stepping into it or like what led her pathway to becoming a priestess, it's something that I resonate with as well, like the pleasure priestess. Yeah. So I would love to start it off with just saying welcome and then what's turning you on right now or making you feel the most alive?

Mayra Leen:
Yeah. I wanna, I mean, just you saying priestess already, like, I wanna say something about that maybe. yeah. It's alive. Like, even when you say the word or like, I remember the first time I heard the word, I felt energy moving through my body. And I was like, what is that? What does that word mean? I hadn't really heard it before and yet it did something to me as soon as I heard it. And I was like,

And so I wanna sort of acknowledge that that might be happening to somebody out there, right? Like they're saying, you we said this and they've never heard it before and there's something running through their body. And so that's why I wanna sort of pause and acknowledge that that could be happening.

that gives me a little chill and true pot.

Mayra Leen (01:23.662)
Because it's not, it's something that's sort of beyond me, beyond maybe even understanding. I feel like it's an archetype that's like coming, like that's rising in the collective. And there are people that are feel like called to it and there's like sort of an energy, it's a life of its own kind of thing.

And it's also being like co-created and defined by those who choose to embody it as well. it's a both, it's like it's already there and it has momentum and as more come in, we're sort of defining it together. And as is true with the feminine, there is no definition. It's beyond, it's...

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (02:16.896)
infinite, it's expansive, it continues, it never ends, it's a lot of things.

I love it. So I love that you color outside the lines too. It definitely like speaks to my heart and like how about the, in bringing that in this like it is this, but it's not this. And it is also this. And I love how you've highlighted that as more people like step into it or it like kind of shifts the frequency or energetics of it or like I think the imagery that came up in my mind or that I was reminded of is like the tapestry, like another thread coming in.

And like, so that's kind of neat to think of it in that way or manner. I don't remember the first time I heard the word priestess. Do you remember where you were? like, or just?

I don't. I just remember the experience and then being really curious. then I've received confirmation because I think I needed that because I was like, am I making things up? Like I definitely live in the space where it's like, okay, I need confirmation. And I received it from a friend that

Mayra Leen (03:32.646)
She's a medium and a seer. And she's kind of been speaking of spirits since she was a child. It's a really weird sort of experience, especially having that experience so young, not calling it in, not knowing what it was. She's had a whole journey with that.

And even now she sort of lives outside of community. And so she doesn't really have a lot of validation on what is even happening. It's a very interesting life, but we met in a certain way. She came to my women's retreat and she directly received like, while we were in like a fire ceremony, like that I'm a high priestess. And I was like, do you know what?

I'm like, you ever heard that word? She's like, no. So I knew she was like not trying to confirm something for me or trying to like stroke my ego or anything like that. And I'm like, well, what does it mean? Like, what did you receive about it? And she said something really simple, like someone who creates ceremony and ritual. And I was like, well, that sounds right. I like that. And that does feel true to my experience. Like one who, like I feel like I just know what to do.

in moments and things are just ritual and ceremonial.

Because I'm there and because I said so and because we deem it so and it's not that serious. We're also like, okay, all this like mysticism and we can just light a candle.

Kristin (05:07.918)
Yeah, and be a messy human. I love play. I think play is so important. That's definitely, when we met for coffee before we decided on a date and time for this, I love that I was like, yeah, I said something about work and play. You're like, or play and play. like, love that reframe. Because, yes. I want to rewind a little bit and think about who you were before you stepped into this pathway.

Yeah.

Kristin (05:37.838)
cause I feel like that could be like resonant with people where they made me what that's some of their, experiences that they're going through experiencing in life right now as, so, and I don't even know. So it's kind of like this like fun discovery process. I mean, I've read a little blurb on your website, but, I'd love to get it from you.

I want to say I have five placements in Capricorn. I want to start there just to give you like the child that I was born. that in combination with, I have always felt like I've had an awareness and a way that I've experienced the world where I'm like really observant and really like tracking.

when I was younger, the adults in my life and being like, that's interesting, that's scary. I've always been sort of a psychologist or anthropologist or whatever. like humans are so interesting to me. So that's always been true. But with these five placements in Capricorn, what's also been true is I've sought structure and give me the steps, give me the plan so I can follow it and check the things off, meet the goal.

Mm-hmm

Mayra Leen (06:52.81)
ahead of schedule and you know, like just really like da da da da da, know, leadership plan, achievement, all of that being super important and also get out of my way, you know, like really kind of hardcore that way. So that led me to, course, wanting to climb the corporate ladder, you know, Fortune 100, like how high can I go in the structures that exist?

And also education being important. I self-enrolled. I was a 13-year-old who was like, oh, let me enroll myself in this and let me do the study abroad program and let me do it. I just self-initiated myself into as much education and learning and programs and development as I could as early as I could. Fast forward to being like, how old was I?

late, like 28, 29, know, Saturn return-ish timing. And being like, okay, I am making the six figures already. I own a home, I have a husband, I have a passport filled with travel. Like I'm doing all the things that happy and successful people do, including the travel. Because some people are like, well, I never took the trip. I'm like, no, I took the trip. Like I made sure I drank margaritas on the beach and then I worked really hard and I made the money.

Yeah.

Mayra Leen (08:20.854)
And I did all the things and I was like, what is this feeling of emptiness or like dissatisfaction or like, I just could like feel not well. And if I looked closely into my life, like there was a lot of like frustration. Like I was frustrated in my marriage. I also had a really fragmented life. Like my personal like,

And then there was my professional life. Then there was my family life. And so I could see that things were good on paper, but not internally. And so I would say that's I was before. Just a super business-driven skill-getter.

Like go get her. That's what I think of I think of Capricorn. They're doing the things, they are going after the things, they're the successful.

And that I would now I can also place myself in like hyper masculine. Yeah, which I didn't know that then but yeah

That resonates with me too. Hyper-masculine. Yeah. I feel like my masculine was a protector for my feminine for so long. Or like that doing, doing, Was there a moment that was like the moment that shifted like I'm leaving this space or?

Mayra Leen (09:39.918)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It was a few months. It was in November before COVID. Whoa. Yeah. So it was right, like, after Thanksgiving. And again, like, the fact that I had checked the check boxes was too clear. I had, it was like, I can remember, it was like a Sunday. My dad had come into town. I was living in Chicago at the time. We spent the afternoon in a rooftop.

Mm. Okay.

Mayra Leen (10:07.31)
overlooking the skyline and with my husband and we're having this like really, like I have family, I have a partner, I have success, I'm like, where else do I wanna be? And I came home and I'm taking off my makeup and I'm like, I'm so unhappy. What the F, you know, can I curse on this?

Yeah, for sure. Please, It's all loud. yeah, let it rip. Just like, what the?

What is going on? And in that moment, I was like, okay, so far what I've been doing is checking boxes. And in that moment, I made the decision to figure out what it would take to make me happy. So that's where my journey began. And luckily, like, everything I needed came immediately to respond to that.

because I was already in personal development, all that stuff, it wasn't a big switch to then go into discovering like true happiness. And, you know, certain spiritual teachers came into my life. And then of course, like fast forward a few months later, COVID happened. And I just got all this space and time.

I didn't think about that.

Mayra Leen (11:26.388)
I dropped into what I will now refer to as my feminine. I didn't know that's what was happening, but I was just like, I wanna walk in nature and I'm gonna smell the flowers. And I'm like, in this like bliss bubble of like, like I just dropped into my feminine without even realizing no schedule, no agenda, no timing. That was actually because the collective had no answers. didn't, I thought it was a two week thing, you know?

It was like, oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm like, two weeks I'm gonna chill. I'm gonna relax. I, two weeks turned into two months turned into like, and I just haven't been the same. Like it's like after my feminine like active and experience that like, exhale for the first time, I'm even like feeling it now.

I'm

No, because as I talk about that person, like, she's still there and she comes on and she's like, yeah, you want to talk about me? You know, like, let's do it. And it's like, OK, slow down. You're still there. You're still loved. You're still appreciated. And there's so much more going on now. But she's still super active, as you can feel.

Kristin (12:35.821)
Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (12:43.918)
Ever since I dropped into that space, my journey has been returning to that over and over again. And after that time, I went through a really dark period with my divorce and all that. And I'm finally coming back to a place that's even better than that. Like I'm no longer even going back to that, I, like the pieces are just coming together in a beautiful way. And I'm...

now in a place of integration with my feminine and masculine, so it's no longer like this huge pendulum swing, but the journey has been a journey. And I see people who didn't have as dramatic of a COVID like experience with their feminine, like slowly coming to their feminine. And I also see a lot of like the mistakes that I made.

Yeah.

Mayra Leen (13:37.966)
people are making and so there's things like that where I'm like, okay, let me help you guys. Because it's like, it's a journey and there's like being fully in your feminine is also not the answer. It's a beautiful, I think we all need that experience and there is like a reconciliation between both and it doesn't also have to be equal. Like it doesn't like equal feminine masculine, it's whatever's right for you.

Yeah, like your own ratio. I like that. I felt that recently, like with my shift with my writing process, like I was like, okay, I'm gonna write for at least this amount of time a day, like 20 minutes to 60 minutes. And that helped create the masculine structure for the feminine to flow. And I felt less anxious because it was like there. But yeah, so much of your story resonates with me as far as like the do, do, do, high brand or like masculine, I guess, you know.

Your own ratio.

Kristin (14:37.198)
And then, yeah, just the femininity, the beingness and the receiving and creating and more flow. Although sometimes I do default to like, calendar, blocking schedules, know, shifting shit around. So then I'm like, how am I supposed to let spirit source God provide for me if I don't give it time and space too? You know? So you've mentioned mistakes that people make. there any that you want to highlight now or bring light to?

I think one of the things is because this like feminine soft girl era is new to the collective, there's similar to what successful corporate or whatever looks like, we've sort of created like a poster child for the soft girl. And I think that's the mistake. Like if you think you should look like or be doing something or not doing something, you're just

It's the same, what do I wanna say, like chains. It's the same oppression colored differently. And so my suggestion would be to explore what's true for you. And the mistakes that I made were I thought I was just supposed to be asleep and resting all the time.

Yes sir.

Kristin (15:55.532)
Hmm.

Kristin (16:04.622)
Hmm.

And so I did that for like kind of two years and you lose a lot of money like that. You spend a lot of money, it's expensive. But I was willing because I was that dedicated to like, I'm gonna figure this out. I don't care if I lose everything. What does it take? Like that's what saying. Like I'm a very extreme person. So it's like, and I've made all the mistakes. So.

Mm-hmm.

Kristin (16:25.59)
Uh-uh.

Mayra Leen (16:34.336)
So being on the beach, margaritas, doing all this was nice. But what I realized is it wasn't giving me more energy. So I was sort of like, the rest was making me more tired. And then I was like, okay, I don't think this is, what's going on here? Because how do I rest more? like, how many more spa days do I need?

Mmm.

Kristin (16:58.71)
and

Right? Cause that's you think like saw like spa this, if only I could just be, and he's like, no girl, like I did that. That's not the answer. And then I realized like, wait, what gives me energy? And I started realizing like, when I share, when I'm helping someone else, when I'm activating, when I'm presenting, when I'm like facilitating a workshop, the amount of energy that moves through me is like,

Yeah

Mayra Leen (17:27.927)
there's aliveness there. And so then I stopped like chasing rest. And I was like, my word now or my word this last year was like more aliveness. And like, when am I alive? Because who cares if I'm rested for what? For living actually. Like I wanna live. So then I started moving into just noticing what gave me energy and what didn't. And sometimes yeah, rest is still really important. And we live in a society that's under

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (17:56.398)
So for sure, there's probably for everybody like a need for more rest, but don't go to the extreme to where it's counterintuitive for you and focus actually like, do we want rest for anyway? Energy. So then let's focus on energy and see like, how does energy move through you? What makes you alive? It might be painting, it might be dancing. It might be something actually really active. So just noticing that would be like.

Yeah, I think I have that that resonates to him like he gave me a lot of medicine. Yeah, like the I was like, yeah, I just want to be a horizontal. I was a horizontal goddess for a long time, but this year just feels like so alive with different actions and activities and creativity. I think that's such a like question or self inquiry process to gift like someone listening.

to live life on their own terms as to like, what's feeding you, what's like giving you energy or making you feel more alive if they're like navigating those waters of like, hey, there's something that I want to shift even if I don't know exactly what that is yet or how to step into it. And how cool now that you like do workshops and like, in the space of like, would you say like tantric priestess, like that kind of space or what do we call it?

What do I call it? don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's the tricky part. I'm somewhere like embodiment. Yeah, tantric empowerment. Yeah.

Yeah, and I saw that you had like the priestess weekend. I would love to like see what the takeaways and things, stories or shares that you have from that. And I just think it's like so cool, like you just not knowing and then stepping into like something that you don't know what it is. It's still evolving, like whatever. And then now stepping into like a leadership in that space too. And like, so I see like now it's like all those.

Kristin (19:54.636)
leadership moments from that life also serve this one in a way because you have like, it's just like different.

Yeah, yeah. And what's interesting, this is very new, but my business and strategy background is now starting to creep back in. Like even today with my mentee, I don't know, I hate coaching calls, but you know, that's not what I do. But in our call, we started going into that and I was like, ooh. I'm like, okay. And then my priestess weekend as well,

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (20:30.616)
I mean, money has always been really important to me because I did, like through my experience with my five placements, I can't forget now. I like, did figure out some money things in our, given our structures and given all that. And then I let it all go. And then now, yeah, again, because I'm in my integration, it's like, it's all coming back together. And there's things that I'm like, I really.

I knew that it was gonna come back. I think I was surprised that at the launch of my priestess weekend, it was there. And I think the biggest shock to me is that at the end of the weekend, I was able to pay every participant money. was like, ugh. And it came from a donation from somebody that said, can you gift this to the priestesses just as a tribute? Like not for anything done, just.

I'm feeling gratitude, here it is. And so at the end of my priestess weekend, I was like, okay, I taught you guys to rest, to play, to follow your intuition. And you've experienced what that does, right? Like things come up and then you're able to move through them, like just flow, ease, all that. then at the end I'm like, and I know that when you go home, you're gonna be like, yeah, but now I have to go do the thing to make the money.

Mmm.

However, here's my, and I dropped $100 in front of each one of them. And I'm like, someone just gave you money for being you. And that's how it works. And like,

Mayra Leen (22:13.526)
It's so important to separate work and money, I think. This was one thing that I really had to like untangle because of my corporate salary. was like, I was very much like, no, you work and you make money through that and then you play. it's like, no, money flows. Money is, money's energy. Money can be gifted.

and experiences can be gifted. And I mean, I just spent the last two days staying at someone's house, luxurious, by myself with my dog, massive hot tub, like four story patio, just amazing. And it's like, did I pay for that? No. So it's like, tangling. Like there's so much entanglements with money. And then there's...

work, which again, there's so many entanglements with that. it has to be hard. You have to be consistent. What else is there? Yeah, you don't have to like it. You have to do something and it has to be worth something for an exchange. it's like, especially like as a priestess, like you work for God. That's how I see it. You work for God. So you do your work. You show up. You are where you are. You tell people what you needed.

tell them you, you know, if you need to touch someone or offer like some words or just exist in a certain way so someone receives something like you don't like it would be wrong to be like, all these people need to pay me. It's like, you have to trust that if you work for God, God will pay you. And so then that's like kind of the separation between like money and work. It's like, just do what you need to do and not in self-sacrifice either. Cause that's another thing that

especially women get into, which is like, if you're in self-sacrifice, you're probably not doing your aligned work in that moment.

Kristin (24:13.646)
Would you say that self-abandonment is kind of a form of self-sacrifice too? Yeah, for sure. Okay, that's just curious. Untangling work, was there a moment, I guess now I'm trying to think of my question, when you realize like, I don't have to do something for like, the presence as medicine and that being and like amplifies like a magnetism of some sort.

that like attracts in that money or the client or... I know I've had an experience where it's like, oh, it's not what I'm doing, it's me. Or like, know, or like being with someone or just like presence and intentionality. And I was like, oh.

It's been a journey and I think I'm still unpacking it. Like there's still edges where I'm being pushed to. The one that I can think of right now that was like, I could like viscerally like experience, feel the edge of that and then leaning in. I had, so I do private retreats and so I had a client with a 24 hour like experience and

I don't know, in the middle, I just got really tired and they were all, I could feel like there wasn't anything moving, because I'm very like intuitive in my sessions and all that. And my God, I feel even like I can't believe I'm saying this. It was recorded, but that's fine.

If we ever want to like take you there we have editing

Mayra Leen (25:49.708)
I'm here for it. I'm here for the edges of my own experience. Yeah, like I couldn't, like, where is this session? Where is this going? What is alive? And I could just feel the energy was like, now. So was like, I'm gonna take a bath. And then I think I'm gonna take a nap.

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (26:14.658)
And I did that. And as I was in the bath, I was like, well, first I was like, let me take a bath step one. And just so can sit there, because that's where I like recoup, like maybe I just needed to reenergize or something so that I can be with this client. And then from there, I was like, no, I need a nap after this. And then I was like, hey, that's what I'm gonna do. And I did that. And that felt very edgy because

Okay.

Mayra Leen (26:42.958)
Of course, like in my head, I'm like 24 hours, like every hour, kind of like, don't know, like I just want to create value. Like I want to have them have like a breakthrough and a whole experience and all this. Yeah, I want to always over deliver. And yeah, no, I just took a nap and then I woke up and felt great and checked in and they felt great with that space. Like I think we needed that space.

We're done.

Mayra Leen (27:07.98)
Because I do, my medicine is pretty intense. It actually probably made sense. Like intensity, rest, do nothing, break, separate in a way, and then come back for something more. But that was one of those where one, what I had charged for that was already at an edge for me, which it was like, ooh, I haven't received this much in this amount of time yet. Now I have. Like now I'm good.

The time it was the first time I had charged that much. And then... And the universe calling me to sleep.

I was like, Why are you?

but I knew it was like the universe just preparing me. And it's like always moments like that where it's like, like the universe is preparing me and pushing me to like, to really ground that you don't have to do anything at all. You get to sleep and take a bath and rest. And I have a lot of like smaller examples of that, but that was one that was really just because it felt so important to create something. And it's like, just chill.

Yeah, I like that one. I want to talk more about your priest this weekend too. Like what it looks like. or, yeah, like let's peek behind the curtain a little bit. Buckle up, buttercups.

Mayra Leen (28:27.699)
already.

Mayra Leen (28:31.959)
yeah, even calling it a priestess weekend was a little bit of an edge, you know, because it's like, well, should I use words that are more accessible, like women's?

retreat or immersion or...

some realization, but I felt really called to call it a priestess weekend because I think the principles that I'm like, what's being transmitted, what's happening, the amount of ritual, and also the fact that there's a temple in the middle of it is all just vibes. And it's like, you either have to resonate or not resonate. Like, I can't have anyone who's like, what? You know, like now, like.

That's real

Kristin (29:16.556)
You

to be in or not.

I could see where that would be like, wait, I thought I was just gonna come to learn or get the knowledge. But I'm like, no, you're gonna apply it. With me, we're going deep.

No, we're in.

And I am incorporating like all the pieces that I think are important. So the arc of how I hold containers, but especially like these immersions is I start with a lot of space and relaxation and nothingness. And I like to do it like to the point of discomfort, you know, because we're like, you know, like, what are we doing? What are we doing? You know, huh? And it's like, no, just gonna relax.

Mayra Leen (29:59.498)
Enter, everything's easeful. And the whole point is just to begin to drop the nervous system, like, to a level of slowness. So that's like Friday evening, usually. And then depending on where people are Saturday and what I sense in the field is where

Hmm.

Mayra Leen (30:26.114)
we can have different activations or rituals or it really is like an emergent experience depending on what people are sharing. I mean, I just launched it so I've had like one test of this.

I'm celebrating that for you, because that's dope.

So I did for this one, my intention was to do one-on-ones and having witnesses for that. Yeah, because I really wanted to make sure that everyone got something out of it and also because I trust the field like that. Like I trust that like for like our conversation, even though it's like ours, other people resonate or when I'm working with someone.

Because what I'm also teaching is how can women trust their intuition? So the way that I'm transmitting that is one, they're watching me, right? So they're watching my intuition and my work like live right there with a sister. And I also invite them to join in as they feel necessary. So then that can look like where are you sitting in the room?

what are you doing? Or do you wanna come in and maybe like place a hand or do you wanna say something? And so all of these experiences are all leveling them up into like, who am I? Or what would I have done differently? Or if let's say I place a hand here and they're like, yeah, I was feeling activation there, right? Like, so then they're starting to like confirm their own like, yeah, I felt that too. I experienced that too. And then we're all sharing.

Mayra Leen (32:05.442)
There's a lot happening just really naturally, intuitively. A lot of like transmissions and a lot of like hands-on is happening. And then Saturday evening, this is what I call like rubber meets the road. This is the lab. This is where it gets real. We invite men to enter ceremonially into the temple, into the priestess temple, the field that we've already created. They're all vetted and the rules with them is no initiation.

they cannot initiate at all. They actually can't even roam the space. Like I have a lot of rules for like what they can and can't do because also they need to learn to lean back and relax and let the women lead. And it's such a beautiful experience on all ends. So the men learn what does it feel like when I'm not initiating, when I'm not chasing, when I'm not...

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (33:03.682)
da da da da da, know, doing that thing. And for women, it's like, what does it feel like when I'm not waiting to be chosen or performing or self-sacrificing or whatever for the field? And so it's juicy. I mean, I was just surprised. I thought what I expected was for it to be really challenging for people and for...

me to have like a lot of conversations afterwards about like, okay, well, let's look at that and let's look at that. there were challenges, but by far it was just yummy. I feel like everyone was surprised by how that felt and what happened when everyone was leaned back and relaxed.

and no one's performing and nothing's required and there are no expectations. No one's promised anything. I even told the men, like, I'm like, even if you're bored out of your mind, out of this, because no one's engaging with you, you're required to stay till the end. And we can talk about that. And so it was, but of course that didn't even happen either. It was fun. just like, I can't share too much. It was juicy. It was a lot better than I expected.

Bye.

Mayra Leen (34:28.492)
I mean, I'm open for every weekend to be different because it depends on who shows up and what happens. But it's an experiment that I think the field needs. And I think it's an imprint that we're making in the collective. That's what I feel like is happening.

I think that's really cool lived experience and want to like to experience the lean back and like for the feminine or the females or women there to take the initiation or follow their intuitive nudges. It sounds to me like there's just like you have a deep like self-trust and I'm curious if there was like anything that helped build that along the way or that like established that within yourself.

years, years of trial and error. Okay. Yeah. I was listening to a podcast that I did back in 2021. That's like the last time I did podcasts. And I was sharing about my intuition and how I'm building it. And one of the things I talked about, which I'm like, Ooh, that's good. Because I was like, Yeah, right now I am at a point where I am willing to

put everything on the line, and that's how much I trust my intuition. it's like, yeah, how? So this is looking back like five years and what I was doing then. I found non-serious things to play with my intuition. So instead of like, is this my partner? Is this what to do with my offer? Or you know, like all these serious things. was exploring

Like, this, did this lead to more player fun? And like, sort of like, hey, I'm open to fun today, universe. Tell me, like, use my intuition to guide me towards a little bit more play and fun in my life. And so I think that's one tip that I would want to give because we usually take our intuition really, like, is this my, do I need to break up with him? You know?

Kristin (36:19.278)
Show me.

Kristin (36:33.912)
Wow, I was listening to a sermon on this on the way here, or not the way here, while I was getting ready. And it was talking about like, yeah, we focus so much on those big decisions in our life. And then they're like, well, how are you showing up? What kind of human are you being? Like, what kind of, how are you moving or being in the world? And so it's just interesting. When you touched on partners, kind of want to know that that spurred me. was like, yeah, I kind of want to talk about that. Eight husbands.

concept that we had coffee about. So because I love the idea of it, creating your own type of like dynamic that works for you. Yeah. Living life on your terms. And so when you said that at coffee, I was like, don't tell me everything now. I want you to share as much as you want to share with me on the podcast so I can go through like a, you know, that discovery or, you know, pro authentic, you know what I mean? Like

you're sharing it with me live for the first time. So it's like I'm not coming in with anything. Yeah.

Okay.

I'll start with it if you feel like it.

Mayra Leen (37:39.502)
Okay, will, like, yes, I do color outside the lines a lot. Yes, I'm like specifically, question every paradigm and structure in society. And I am a person that explores like, does that work for me? Because of how boxed and checked I lived, I am so adamant about living outside of that and making sure that I'm just living an authentic life. Does this work for me?

And the second thing that I'm really big on is just because it works for me doesn't mean it works for other people. Okay, so I'm not out here trying to like promote polyamory or non-monogamy if that's not someone's truth. Yeah. So I do want to say like those two things. Okay, so the eight husbands came to me in self-pleasure practice. That's what I want to say. And I was just as shocked, I think, as anyone would be.

Yes.

Mayra Leen (38:36.396)
that my true desire was that I was really turned on by the idea of eight husbands. So the way I do self pleasure, I sort of do like sex magic, but not in the way of like, there's this thing come to me and let me pleasure so that it comes. I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. I'll just say that. The way I do sex magic is what...

what is my true turn on right now? So it is like a little bit of fantasy, it's like, I'm just trying to find like my truth, like physically, because I'm always like, da-da-da-da-da, right? And it's like, what lights up my body right now? And then I'll pleasure to that. And so that's what I call sex magic, because it's like, it's a true like...

It's coming from within me. It's not out there. It's like, like, and so that's why I'm sometimes shocked by what comes through. But I also trust that it's a true desire because I'm literally like getting off to it. So it's like, I can't make this up. You know, can't fake like an orgasm. Well, people do fake an orgasm, like, don't recommend it. But in your self pleasure practice, you're looking for your authentic, like what turns me on. So,

I don't recommend it, but.

Mayra Leen (39:59.616)
I did feel like the eight husbands came to me as an authentic desire or was revealed to me. And I was like, yeah, and that really feels true. Like I would want that. And it's something that I really thought I would never say out loud.

I've been told sometimes I can be an initiatrix.

Because I was like, well, that's ridiculous, but whatever, I'll just like sell pleasure to that because it feels good right now and it feels true and it feels like yummy. And what I realized was yummy to me was multiple, and not just like a few, but like eight. And I think the husband word is what I was translating as somebody who is like committed to me in a way, or supportive of me.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (40:52.992)
And so that's what it is. And now as I explore my life, like I have dynamics that are not sexual, but are supportive and committed to me in some ways. And I'm like, okay, that's husband-ish. That's husband-ish. And so I'm building my husband.

yeah.

Kristin (41:14.766)
I just think it's such a neat concept.

and I'm open for that to look however it needs to look. I'm not attached to like a wedding. I'm not attached to actually. I'm not attached to it being like full on, you know, sexual partners with all eight. Yeah, so that's my eight husband.

Hmm.

Kristin (41:36.578)
Yeah, I like the distinction of the supportive relationship. And I love that you said, like, hey, I'm not touting, like, this is the way for everybody. Because I know for myself, I've experimented and then I've come back to like, OK, this is true for me now. So I think there's like, for me, a permission, giving myself permission to evolve and not fixating on one or the other. And we're like, really like, OK, well, what's really true? What does Kristen want? I like that inquiry.

For me, non-monogamy has been true for me for a long time. My first, like I had two boyfriends, like my first boyfriend was, it was there's two of them. And I'm like a 12 year old, you know? And that didn't feel wrong to me. They didn't know about each other, but I wasn't hurting nobody. But it just felt natural and it felt good for me. And then even when I got married, I...

Mayra Leen (42:31.872)
made sure in my vows there wasn't anything about you being the only, because I'm just like, don't, that's irrelevant to me. I did write what I did care about. So yeah, it's just what I say is like a lot of people are trying on monogamy. I'm like, I occasionally try monogamy, you know, but I for sure know I'm non-monogamous.

That's just true for me.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that there's like, you know, I don't know if benefits is the right word, like challenges and I'll just use benefits are like pro, pros, pro, not necessarily cons, but challenges and pros are highlights of each. whether you're silver, whether you're like monogamy or whether you're like.

If I could be monogamous, think I would be prefer... like that seems easier.

Yeah, okay, so actually that brings up another question. asked people for questions, haven't answered them yet, but one of them was like, are open relationships possible? Or like, I think that's a good distinction, it's like, it's not necessarily easier.

Mayra Leen (43:40.75)
It's not, it's harder. Are you kidding me? You're managing more things and more people and more personalities and all this. Well, okay. One thing that I see often is people think open relating, like a lot of avoidant people will be like, let me open relate so I'm not all up in it. And it's like, it doesn't work like that.

I mean, whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous, the depth at which you wanna go needs to be clearly communicated. So just because you have multiple partners doesn't mean you can keep them all shallow and that those partners are okay with that. So the shallowness and depth and all of that to me is irrelevant of what model you're choosing. I wouldn't, yeah.

So I guess they wanted...

Yeah, I could see where both, I mean, like you could have like a monogamous relationship that's shallow or like swimming in the shallow waters. And then you can have one that's like deep. And then I see how you could have multiple connections and those are like, it can go deep with them too. The only thing I guess I reckon with or like I'm trying to reconcile with is like the time. Like if I'm spending time with one person that I'm automatically not spending time with someone else because I,

chat with someone like the previous podcast he's like very much like you're either choosing wide or you're choosing deep I'm like that's not don't think that's necessarily true because I think you can go deep with multiple people.

Mayra Leen (45:17.57)
You deep with multiple. And I think it more speaks about yourself.

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (45:25.848)
Like for me, it's just hard to have shallow relationships, period, friendships or other, like I just don't have time for it. And when I talk about non-monogamy, I think the easiest way is just looking at friendships, looking at multiple children, looking at parents, family members. It's like everywhere in our lives, we are okay with having multiple loving relationships.

and then we go into romance and somehow we wanna treat that differently and do all these trade-offs and do all this stuff. it's like, like that's socially conditioned. So if you can have multiple pets and you sort that out, you can probably figure out multiple romantic partners as long as you can strip away what you're conditioned and what you think it needs to look like. So yeah, if you wanna like,

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (46:19.194)
live, cohabit one-on-one with all of them, that will be difficult. But if you're open to creating something that makes sense for you guys, then I can see it working. it's a constant, every relationships are hard, like period, relationships are hard. So it's meeting whoever you're relating with, understanding their needs, their preferences, your own, staying true to that.

coming to some terms at work, and then as they evolve, as challenges come up, constantly working on them. Like, it's not different than all the other stuff.

I I giggled a little bit because whenever you mentioned the multiple pets saying I was like, can barely handle one. I know. Yeah. That happened. Especially, well, because he's a puppy right now.

And then that's true, right?

Mayra Leen (47:14.002)
Even though I know I'm non-monogamous, it's not beyond me to potentially have a future where I'm relating very monogamish because of children or because of other, or because of my business or whatever. so it's like, I'm not stuck to having multiple, like it's not fixated on anything. I just know that naturally I can love multiple people, that naturally,

You're not fixated on it.

Mayra Leen (47:44.834)
More is more for me. that I, yeah, I like to be the center of my own universe. And it just helps me when I have multiple things kind of going on. I just feel like I expand more in that way. I just get more rich.

Yeah.

Kristin (48:03.054)
Like you get more and more. Yeah. And I like that because it's like you can co-create your life and that applies to your relationships too. I was chatting with someone one time, was like, tell me about y'all's dynamic. Like, I was telling a friend, I was like, I don't know if I want to have like this divine, sacred partner. know what I was saying? The that I was assigning to. Which I'm like, yes, it is divine and sacred, but. They all are. Yeah. I I had to use that language.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Mayra Leen (48:29.292)
Even the annoying ones that end horribly, that's probably your soulmate. It just taught you exactly what you needed and then you can let it go. You don't have to marry or live forever with your soulmate.

Yeah. Yeah, you have an agreement or something. And then I was like, I don't want to see him ultimately. was like, well, it could be both. Like, you could have someone and like, it evolves as you evolve or y'all evolve. And like, just communicating that and being intentional within the relationship. And I was like, oh, okay, great. And I had someone say that they had like a little like team meeting or something. They're like, okay, this.

past three or six months, we've explored like being monogamous. How do we wanna go forward in the next three or six months? Do we wanna explore? Do we wanna do it together? like that. so I think like that creativity behind it is.

Yeah, and I think Esther Perel talks about that a lot. Yeah, like just be creative. Like why are we creative with everything else? know, with child raising, with like we're like, okay, what would work for me? And then our relationships were like, how does, we're not fitting the model or what? And it's like, get creative. Yeah, like let's have reviews every six months. Like let's change it up. Let's try something. I highly recommend hiring a Tantrika to come into your session.

Yes, I echo that.

Mayra Leen (49:53.516)
someone spice up your life a little bit. That doesn't have to be sexual either. A lot of sessions can be more like, I love the sex, and goop Netflix documentary. I feel like that first episode did really well on how someone can come in and enrich a couple's sexual life without doing a threesome.

that doesn't have to be penetrative to be impactful.

Yeah, you can have someone in your bedroom and it be very intimate and add something to it and then leave you guys to it, you know, so just want to add that.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I echo that. I want to take a peek right here. you know, I guess what came up while you're speaking too is like, yeah, because I feel like we're always like, are a lot of humanity. And I know I've done this too, always seeking the answers outside of myself. Like, kind like what you mentioned at the beginning, like, okay, show them, give me the formula. I'm going to follow it. And then the... Yeah, gold star. Yeah. And then, so think there's like some of that, that like connects and getting clued, getting...

I want an A+.

Kristin (50:57.038)
on like what one's own, what they want or whatever. A little tongue tied. But this is like, yeah, if presence is a portal, this is a question I have here, what do you think keeps people from staying there? Ooh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm curious.

Ooh, first of that question's yummy. If presence is a portal, what prevents people from staying there? Because this is everything.

Kristin (51:29.495)
Wow.

Mayra Leen (51:34.734)
It's funny, like the word that's coming to me is like fear of missing out. Which is like, interesting.

Mmm. Mmm.

That makes sense that they're thinking about that they need to be somewhere else and right where they are, right?

Yeah, think, yeah, we live in a society where, yeah, we've been given the checklist. We've been given like, here's what you need to be and do. And we're like pretty like bought into that, that we can't even like have an experience of being here and now and feeling complete in that.

and feeling like content or even being fully here and now because there's that thing and it's there that things always there.

Kristin (52:29.166)
Mm.

Kristin (52:32.982)
It's not that thing, it's another thing.

There's things. And even, like, I'm thinking of my sessions, like, when I'm able to get someone present, and then they feel that bliss of, whoa, I'm here now, and, like, what if there's nothing else to do? What if there's nothing, like, what if, yeah, like, I really, like...

Yeah.

Mayra Leen (53:01.294)
The meditation's always like, let go of the to-do list, let go of what you think you need to do, who you need to be. Like just notice what's here, notice what's happening in your body, all of that. And then they come to that and we have an experience immediately. Even the thought of like, how do I hold on to this? Or, but I still have to do the thing.

or like the problem or the situation or the thing that's unresolved or even just the anticipation of another moment is like just taking us away.

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (53:45.74)
Yeah, I think it's just the reality of our mind. Because the truth is like, I'm not even living there all the time.

Yeah, I totally get it in my mind and my head. For sure!

Yeah. It's like a practice of like, okay, I'm doing that thing or like just coming back, coming back to this present moment. I'm just noticing and I think I've, I've tried to not make my mind an enemy because that's another battle and another like shame spiral that I don't need. So I'm like,

Like just noticing or something.

Mayra Leen (54:23.182)
Okay, my mind is being its powerful self again. know? Thank you so much. And you know, just being in choice, like, okay, cool. I love when my mind thinks of all the things, right? And like, what can I do to serve that? Let me just make a list. All right, let me put that somewhere. Let me write things down. So not making it wrong and.

than being like, okay, mind, like I want a moment, you know, to just be here, just breathe. Or just like, okay, there's other parts of me that want attention. You know, my womb, my pussy. Or like, what's going on here? I'm feeling this like thing on my back or whatever. You know, so just presencing that there's other things that need attention. So I think we've just overemphasized our mind and our society. And the mind's always either in the past or.

or future. And so if we can come to any part of our body, we'll be back into the present. And finding wisdom in those parts will help balance the mind. Because I think just noticing sensation is good, but if we can access wisdom and then we start to be like, then we can sort of create like a collective, like a council of ourselves that

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (55:46.754)
Guides us.

Yeah. I like that. You pluck the words noticing sensations right out of my mind. Yeah. So dope. Yeah. I feel like that's what helps bring me back to presence is like those are those sensations. A lot of times you're like, OK, well, even like as you're speaking, it's like, OK, how can I be more present right now? And like listen and drop in. I was like, feel the chair. Run my fingers on my arm. You know, like just like be here. Listen. And yeah.

It's so interesting because I start so many of my events or calls with just breath and then I go into silence and then I realize, that was it. Whatever we do is going to be bonus. But we're all all over the place all the time and it's like, did I just coordinate this whole event and do all this stuff and prepare all this food just so that we could just breathe and be in silence?

Mm-hmm.

Mayra Leen (56:42.318)
And it's like, and I don't, I usually go into some embodiment, so I don't stay there that long, but I really, feel like that's the moment. Like that's when I'm like, this, was just for this. Cause nothing else, like everything's just bonus, but like presence is really like a portal to everything we want. There's a teacher that says, like everything you want is in the now.

Mayra Leen (57:12.834)
Like nothing you want is anywhere else. So the more you can start to live in the now, the more you'll experience more of what you want. Because it's not anywhere else, it's like in the now, always.

Mm-hmm.

Kristin (57:25.838)
Yeah. Do you think that people are scared to be in the now because of the feelings that may arise? Or emotions maybe? Ooh, that's good. It percolated as you're speaking. It was something I was thinking a little earlier too. was like, yeah, what's the resistance? I know for me, I was like, oh, I feel deeply. And so I know that was a bit true for my journey. Like, okay. And the active, like, imaginative mind, right? But I was like.

Appreciate you saying that, because I think it's been a while since I've feared the present or the now or even any feeling in my body. But yeah, that's true. That's real. If you haven't, yeah, because the first thing that'll happen when you have a backlog.

Mm.

yeah, disclaimer. So when you come to the present, if you have a backlog, which most people will, if you...

You will have to work through that backlog first. And most people are not wanting, ready to look at that list of all, you know, because it's usually anger, it's disappointment, it's heartbreak. And these are emotions that, you know, collectively we're not comfortable with, individually we're not comfortable with.

Mayra Leen (58:55.672)
but I highly recommend you feel them. My experience has been for sure each and every time.

The other side of that is a better understanding of what I care about, openness in my heart. Grief is always like, deep love for something. Heartbreak is deep love for something. Anger is deep love for myself or something that I care about. And we wanna think our way through it. I know I try to go that route a lot.

and just try to like, well, let me just sort it out a different way. Surely I don't have to feel it. Eventually you do. Because if you don't feel it intentionally, it will manifest in something physical, a disease. yeah, so it will matter. It has to be expressed.

Yeah, I believe that. did a rage ritual like a few weeks ago and I went for it. I was like, don't know where all this came from. Or like if I even have to assign a meaning or a story of where it's originating. And I felt so like light afterwards. It was like, how long have I been walking around with that? Because it was like this, we did a song of rage, a song of grief, and then a song of sensuality.

And so was like this really beautiful arc and then repeat that a couple of times. I was like, wow, that. And looking at, okay, we're almost out of time. No! I know, no, at least for this one. Is there anything else that you wanna share or drop in or? It's like, I wanna just give space for that.

Mayra Leen (01:01:00.654)
I'd like to know what you took away from this conversation.

so much. The first word that comes to mind is empowerment. Like yeah, you're empowering me, empowering others, like seeing you step in and lead other priestesses. It's like, I want to do that. know, it's inspiring possibilities. Yeah, for sure. Just like, yeah, I would say like inspiring different possibilities is like a big one. empowerment. What do you

feel like your listeners struggle with?

Kristin (01:01:41.678)
I feel like maybe fixating on the healing journey a little bit. That's what comes to mind. Like a project to fix and maybe even more of that miracle to explore expansive creativeness or they're yearning for something. Maybe they don't know what exactly they're yearning for. And it also depends. Like sometimes I look at like, okay, who's listening?

And sometimes it's like a 60 % female, 40 % male. Sometimes it's more 50-50. So I'm also kind of thinking like where they're at in life. So if they're like mid-20s to 45 and then some outliers sprinkled, where are they at? Are they discovering like what they really want for themselves or they're seekers for fuck-it-sure. Like curious or they wouldn't be listening to this.

I think for those who are in the beginning of their healing journey, it's like, yeah, mean, do all the things. And then I imagine that most of your listeners are not at the beginning of their healing journey. So what I would want to say is there is a shadow with healing. And

I'm

Kristin (01:02:55.956)
Err. Think. huh.

Mayra Leen (01:03:02.19)
One thing that has been like presencing for me is every time I put my GPS, Google Maps, and I arrive somewhere, it says like, arrived.

Mayra Leen (01:03:21.484)
And that word has just been like, I've been really claiming arrival. Like I'm not trapped, like I'm not, like I'm here, I'm here. I want to say I'm somewhere, like I'm here. Like I have arrived where I am. And that's not to say I'm not still walking, but I am, I have arrived somewhere. So can I take a look at where

Mmm.

Mayra Leen (01:03:50.904)
how much I have traveled and where I am because I'm somewhere. I have arrived to a really blessed, blissful, co-creative, magical place filled with possibility and potential. And how yummy is that? And there's a lot of creation from here, but like, I'll never be here again.

Hmm.

Mayra Leen (01:04:20.718)
And there's still so much I don't know. even like, feel myself listening. Like even like hearing, like I feel like there's a part, a future self of me that's like listening to myself now. I don't know, that's kind of weird, but that's like, like there's still refinement in some of your words. There's things you still don't know. And yet I'm here and there's value for somebody. And like trusting that and claiming

No.

Mayra Leen (01:04:50.37)
where your feet are and what you're offering and where you are and who you're with.

and every time you see that GPS, I've arrived to remember I'm here. I'm here and I'm alive.

Yeah, that made me emotional. Thank you. And that's such a good reminder. And I use my GPS all the fucking time. So I'm gonna assign that meaning. yeah. And I'm like, what came up too is like one day I'm gonna miss this. So it's like, why not arrive where my boots are, where my feet are? Like, you know, I love that.

Like, if you believe, if you feel in your system that, like, there's so much greatness ahead, it's like, this is probably as simple as your life will be. So enjoy that. Like, I think about that. I'm like, I'm going to have assistants and landscaping and pool boys and... And right now, you know, there's things I'm managing, but it's like...

Boys!

Mayra Leen (01:05:54.316)
Yeah. We're so much in the potential space and it's like, and I've done so much work. This is a sweet spot.

Girl.

sweet spot and it's like lemme show you this

tell you off camera what that means to me. Okay. Yeah. That one I gotta keep to myself. Are you sure? For now. It won't be forever. But yeah. It's a project I'm working Ooh! Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm gonna put all of your stuff in the show notes. And thank you so much for your light and just being here and accepting my invitation. Yeah. I love it. Pleasure. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah,

Mayra Leen (01:06:25.272)
Okay, cool.

Mayra Leen (01:06:36.758)
It was my p-