76. Psychedelics, Finding Purpose in Pain, & The Creative Process: Alex Ruiz on Art as Alchemy

What if the darkest night of your soul (ego) was actually a canvas? Emmy award-winning artist Alex Ruiz joins me for a raw, riveting ride through depression, psychedelics, and creative resurrection.

From The Simpsons and Beauty and the Beast to sacred ceremonies with peyote, Alex shares how he went from burnout and suicidal ideation to finding purpose and birthing a body of work that channels mysticism, mythology, and multidimensional muses. We explore how visionary art becomes a mirror, a medicine, and a means of becoming.

Inside this episode…
🍄 Psychedelics & the art of becoming
🖤 The tortured artist & letting go of the darkness
🎭 Horned women, third eyes & mythic characters
📉 AI vs human soul in art
🔥 From hiding in the art cave to teaching with purpose
🧠 Journaling, visualization, & the neo-renaissance

He also gives us a sneak peek at Delicate Delirium, his upcoming art show in Austin on June 28th, and shares how creating his own fantasy world (language and all) became a portal to reconnection, authenticity, and healing.

If you’ve ever wondered how to alchemize pain into purpose, are looking to rebuild your relationship with art, or if you’re just here for horny forest creatures and psychedelic chats, this episode is pure soul nectar. 🌀💫

Connect with Alex:
Instagram
Website

Connect with Kristin:
Website
Instagram
YouTube

Kristin's Best-Selling Book:
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sex, Drugs, & Soul on Amazon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Audiobook Link⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe to the Podcast:
YouTube
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

For 10% off pleasure goodies at WAANDS, use code SEXDRUGSSOUL.

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 12:12 The Healing Power of Art and Personal Transformation
• 21:43 Exploring Darkness and the Role of Psychedelics in Art
• 36:35 The Journey of Artistic Organization
• 50:44 Building a Creative Community

Transcript

Kristin (00:00.236)
Hmm, all right. Welcome back, you beautiful humans, messy loves. Welcome back to another episode of Sex, Drugs, and Soul. Today, have on Alex Ruiz, an Emmy award-winning animator and artist, body paint extraordinaire. He's worked on... He's also teacher. He's worked on The Simpsons, The Avengers.

Beauty and the Beast, which I just discovered yesterday, which is pretty freaking cool. Yeah, I would love, thank you first off for coming on here. I don't know if you really know just how like beautiful that session was with you and how much symbology it also held for me, like a death rebirth moment. And I just really like appreciate you for coming on and can't wait to dive into your story more.

and go into the peaks and valleys and inspiration and all the things.

Yes, great to be here, Kristin. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, thank you. I'm curious, like, I'm envisioning little Alex, were you always into art?

Alex Ruiz (01:11.636)
Yeah, ever since I was old enough to hold a pencil or a crayon, probably about two or three years old, and then I just never stopped.

Yeah, that's cool. And your parents always encouraged you.

Yeah, there was a lot of encouragement in the form of, here's some art supplies. You seem to like it. So go. There was never any discouragement as far as you're never gonna make money as an artist. You're gonna be a doctor like Uncle So-and-so. You're gonna bring in money. You're gonna support your family. Artists don't make money. There was none of that to block my way of becoming an artist, thankfully. Yeah.

That's awesome. I definitely had a little bit of both. Like one set where like you can do, be, have whatever you want. And then one was like, you might want to go to college for a backup plan. Right. I guess you always knew you wanted to be an artist, like as a wee little lad. What was your first dream and vision, like going into high school and college?

Well, I think it started with just being very inspired by everything that I was watching as far as cartoons, toys, and He-Man, and Transformers, and Inspector Gadget, and Garfield. I mean, could go down the list of hundreds of things that I was inspired by, and then I would just draw them, because I was so inspired, and then I would just start copying them, and that was how I spent most of my time, even to this day.

Alex Ruiz (02:53.32)
is whenever I'm inspired by something, and usually it's people or faces, I'll create a portrait for someone and then somehow find a way to get it to them. And that starts a relationship with me and the people that I'm inspired by. So it's a great art as a lead in into a relationship with someone has been kind of my, I don't want to say tactic, but just a method that I use to, let's say I want to meet.

someone who's kind of up there and I'm inspired by. create a piece of art for them and find a way to get it to them somehow and then develop a relationship with them.

So it goes from being inspired, I always think of it in spirit, then helping foster that connection and community. Cool, noted. Do you ever keep things or any pieces of art for yourself or do you share a lot of it?

Yeah, it's a great question. And yes, I have hundreds, if not thousands of pieces of art that no one has ever seen. And I have shared thousands of pieces of art over the years. I've basically hoarded an obscene amount of artwork I've created. so half the time it seems that I'm doing it just for me, just for my enjoyment of it. However, in the past few years,

my love of art has kind of been taking a different road in that the way that I describe it is this, art is my lover and now we are separated. Yeah. Kind of a thing. know, right? And so even though I create art these days, it's not with the same passion. It's like being in a relationship where you're just kind of going through the motion.

Kristin (04:48.078)
Like relationship roommates or something? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And so I'm constantly in this struggle with the muse these days. I feel what that's been telling me is to, I need to start sharing my story more, hence being here with you. I need to start teaching more. I need to stop hiding in my art cave and creating art. Cause that's pretty much what I've done my entire life is just hide and make art. And

I feel the message coming through of like, no, you need to get out and talk more about it. You need to teach it. And hence the struggle of the inner artist and the teacher that is needing to come out and be with the world. And now I'm trying to find that new balance of creating art, falling in love with art again. And the session you and I did was magical. It was so magical.

And in those situations when I'm body painting, that's kind of a newer thing in the past couple of years is using the body as a canvas. And I just kind of fell into it and I realized, my God, I love this. And so that is where I really feel that connection to the muse. And I fall back in love with art is when there's another person there and I'm literally painting on them.

It was definitely a portal of presence and sensuality. me, I'm like, oh, I can feel the paint drop dribble down to my belly button, the cool temperature. I'm like, I'm feeling everything. It was so beautiful. I just felt so alive and present and collaborative. I love too what you said about doing it for yourself and maybe not as goal-oriented.

Kristin (06:42.35)
Because what comes up for me sometimes is judgment. do you, like how would you suggest someone or how do you with your own self judgment release it or go toe to toe with it or whatever, you know, what I'm getting at.

Yeah. So obviously finding the time and space to actually create. And I feel even for me, but I see so many people, tell me, well, I just don't have the time to create. And then I say, well, then it probably doesn't mean that much to you. And they're like, don't tell me what it means to me. And I'm like, all right, well, you got to find the time and the space, right? And then there's the element of like, well, I can't

I can't paint, I suck, right? And then I ask, well, do you want to get better? And most people say, well, yeah, right? And it's like, okay, you need to practice just like anything else. If you're to run a marathon, you need to practice and train for six months or a year before that. And so it is a lot of sitting with yourself and, and or taking classes.

from teachers such as myself or going to group workshops, like the one we met at.

that workshop. I still have my face and like you like I had a story that I was like the only thing I can draw is like this little face like a little smiley face. But that it gave me a different level of confidence and exploring like I've been you know even since our body paint session feeling like the well of creativity so I went and did a silver Smith workshop and made a ring and

Kristin (08:28.91)
just trying out things more too. So I guess like the power of consistency then is showing up. So I do believe we prioritize that things are important to us. if someone wants to increase or strengthen their art muscle, it's like put on some ribs. Even if it's like 15 minutes, I think. And for those sessions, and I've kind of been trying to adapt this in multiple aspects of life as far as

and some rats.

Kristin (08:58.702)
more flow and not forcing or releasing to that out releasing attachment to a certain outcome or goal. How do you do that?

That's a hard thing to not do, at least for me, because every time I'm working on a drawing or a piece or a painting these days, I am thinking about its presentation. I'm thinking about how it could potentially be received. So yeah, that's all kind of going through my head when I'm creating. Yeah, that's a tricky thing to turn off. I find that

when you're working with other people or just hanging out with other people and making art, that's less there. And it's probably because you're with other people's energy and you're there for the love of art and you're having a good time and you're talking about life and all this stuff while creating. So that's another thing I've been breaking away over the past few years is just doing it alone, which I've created my best work alone.

And I still think in the future, that's how I'm going to create my best work. But you could start a painting with a friend or a group or a class. You could start 10 paintings, right? And then you go and work on them yourself alone, right? And then maybe go back with a group. There's many different ways of doing it, but there's this great book called Your Brain on Arts. And it talks about if you just do one

art workshop a month or one art experience, they get together with friends or paint or draw or sing or dance or write, that will extend your life by like 10 years in the long run. And these are studied scientific backed studies, right? That confirm the healing power of creativity. So that's something I'm excited to start.

Alex Ruiz (11:02.318)
teaching concepts in this book and many other books on creativity and how creativity is kind of like this dying thing in this world. read this stat on Gallup poll the other day where creativity is at an all time low in pretty much every major business, at least in the U.S. billions, if not trillions of dollars in lack of productivity because people

don't know how to access creativity again. And so I'm excited to get out there in companies, do public speaking, do workshops and helping people to engage in their inner creativity, which is unique to everyone.

I love that. When I was here speaking, was getting like a vision of you like helping a company. Yes. It's like, and then like having people like, okay, today we're gonna do something.

That's it. I'm super excited about doing that. that. So I'm starting to ideate that and set that up, what a public speaking art workshop tour is going to look like for me in the next, well, moving forward from now on until, you know, as long as I can stand and walk and create art and speak about it.

Yeah, definitely think that there, mentioned like a healing power to it too. I didn't realize just how much like, I thought, like even like my book, it's like, I thought I was writing it for like a younger version of me still in that lost pain or chaos or, or, you know, someone of like a similar strife. And so, but then going on that journey, it was like so, so many aha moments, so many connect the dots or just, you know, crying.

Kristin (12:47.21)
moments very alchemical. It's like through the process of like the journey of it was so beautiful. I would love to touch on how you discovered the healing power of art or even let go a little bit more of the journey from, know, working as an animator and artist to how you found that you wanted to step into teaching or lead workshops, speak, do all those things.

because I'm guessing it wasn't just linear.

It never is, is it? Yeah, so while on The Simpsons, I discovered a new kind of art and I was already getting sick of The Simpsons. I was on the show eight and a half years at this point. It's a long time to be on one show on one project and I was literally going insane. Like I can't draw these big eyed yellow characters anymore. Like I'm meant for.

something bigger and I'm grateful for the experience, but it was what they call a golden handcuffs situation, getting paid a lot of money to work on this incredibly popular project. And yet I was just so deeply unfulfilled as an artist. And so I find the visionary artwork of some other artists in particular, Android Jones, who is,

one of the greatest artists I've ever experienced and seen in my life. And so I'm looking at his work and it's wild and beautiful and colorful and psychedelic. And then I learned he's doing this on the computer and I didn't even own a computer at the time. This was in 2003. I'm like, how do you even like, first of all, how do you even think about creating art like this? Second, you're doing it on a computer? Like what the fuck? So for me, it was just like this very humbling moment of like,

Alex Ruiz (14:44.886)
I want to do this. Like, how am I going to do this? Here I am drawing these big eyed characters and I'm seeing this artwork that's blowing my mind. So it was like learning how to walk again is how I describe it. I was a big fish in the Simpsons small pond and now I'm wanting to jump out into a larger ocean of incredible artists. And I'm like, I can't do this. just, the overwhelm of

Like, how am I gonna do this? I can't do this. Just the lack of confidence, just everything was just, just ate at me for years. And so I was still working on the Simpsons and by night I was training in this new modality of digital painting and really getting back into human anatomy. feel all the best art in the world ever created stems from knowledge of the body.

So I really got back into that. And for about three years, I didn't post any of this new stuff. I was super embarrassed because it looked like shit, in my opinion. And it really did because it was, again, was like a brand new artist learning how to draw like stick figures. That's how my digital paintings were. It was just very awful. And after about three years, someone was like, you should start posting some of this is kind of okay. And I was like, no, they're going to laugh at me.

And I wasn't going to post my Simpsons stuff because I didn't want to be associated with the Simpsons at that point. I'm a serious artist now, serious artist, don't draw cartoons. So I kind of put that in the background and it was on my resume, but I didn't really talk about it unless people brought it up to me. So it was a very difficult early transition of breaking away from one style of creativity into another. And it was that, that

point of deciding to be what was called a conceptual artist. And it took me 10 years to get my next professional job. And I had freelance jobs in between them. But while within that 10 years, a school reached out to me and they're like, hey, you're pretty good. Can you teach this stuff? And I'm like, I don't work in this industry. they're like, we don't care as long as you could teach what you're doing here to our students.

Alex Ruiz (17:13.634)
And that was in 2009. And that's when I realized, I didn't need to be a professional conceptual artist to teach concept art. So then I started teaching and I started loving it and going to weekly classes where I was teaching at different, more vocational schools in Los Angeles. And I started teaching online. And then I started getting professional work. So it was like, okay, I got good at it because I wanted to. And then schools reached out to me and they're like,

Can you teach this? And so I started that process. And then I started getting professional jobs. So it's kind of like a backwards way and yeah.

Cool, though. Yeah. And like you're teaching them the computer, like the, that.

Okay. pretty much everything. Everything from computer to even drawing on pencil, paper, right? Where that's the most basic way anyone can start is pencil and paper. And I still love pencil and paper. And now, especially in the age of AI,

where everyone's a digital artist because they can write a prompt and then they get an output and they post it and they're like, look what I made. I'm an AI artist now. And it's very, very sensitive subject for me and a lot of my friends who have lost a lot of business because of this. And when I first noticed the power of this artificially created

Alex Ruiz (18:47.508)
imagery. I don't even call it artwork because artwork is the intention of making something through the crafting and the process, right? There is none of that in AI. There's none of that. Maybe there's some in prompting and writing, which is interesting, but the output, there is no one who is sitting there with a brush or pencil drawing this stuff out. The machine did it. And it's like, who is the machine? We live in a very strange world where now

machines are creating art. So I had a business that started in 2018 where I was just creating digital portraits of people. And in early mid 22, when the AI explosion started happening, that business died like overnight, literally overnight. stopped reaching out to me because they're like, why don't I need to pay him? I can just upload my pictures into this app. And it gives me all those dope versions of my.

I think I remember that app.

Yeah, and like everyone was doing it. Every day I saw like, and some friends were hitting me up and they're like, hey, how do you feel about this? Like, I could sense that you probably don't like this, but I want to try it. Like they were asking for my permission. I'm like, do it. It's great. Because secretly I was hoping to stop doing those portraits. Careful what you wish for.

And so overnight that business died, but it gave me a new sense of relief of like, okay, now I'm going to start doing other creative things. It's not all about portraits.

Kristin (20:27.608)
those moments of setback that can slingshot us in a different direction. Whether it's rejection as redirection or asking you got your wish granted. Maybe not in the way that you anticipated.

Yeah, because then I was like, how else am I going to make money? so getting more back into teaching, right? And now that kind of that phase of AIs has died out in a certain way. People are contacting me again for portraits because they're like, I want a real human to create my portrait. I'm done looking at this AI art. It's too perfect. It's too slick. And I want a real artist to do it. So I feel that.

That's a good sign.

Yeah, and I think that for the art that, mean, I like there's a deeper level of emotion evoked if there's an actual human behind it versus just a computer spitting out an image. Yeah. And I feel that way about some, I don't have dabble. I'm like, okay, I'm going to experiment like here. Yeah. But, you know, or even just how I feel whenever I write a poem or versus like get a prompt from AI or something like that.

And I tried an image on chat, GPT. Yeah, maybe we can chat because I've been thinking about some new podcast art or some kind of some jazz. So maybe there's another little collab session. Yeah, I'm like, where do I want to go? I love, I know you said that you're open to talking about the Darten.

Alex Ruiz (21:46.958)
No

Kristin (22:12.942)
Because I feel like to deny those moments is to not deny a piece of our human-ness too. And I feel like we came here to experience it all. It's not something that, it's just been like an adjustment. like, oh man. I love feeling, but it's like, oh wow. I feel just as deeply as that as much as I do feel the joyful moments. So I'd love to expand on that.

I know that you had shared with me before and a little bit online too about like the suicidal moments or being in a darker depression. And was that also like a catalyst at some point for teaching or just your own personal art journey? And I'm also curious about when psychedelics came into the picture too.

All right, we'll weave all of those. So as far as, yeah, I guess I would say my first dark night of the soul, I like to call it dark night of the ego, right? Because the soul knows what's going on. The ego is what's terrifying, right? When it feels it's losing its sense of self and identity. And so in early 2018, so seven years ago, I was at this lowest,

point and I had basically cut myself off from everyone close to me. I was in a horrible relationship because I wasn't taking care of it. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was in the land of blame. was blaming everyone else for what was wrong with me. And it took me a while to realize that that's not a good place to be. So I realized at that time,

I'm on the road to suicide. It was a very stark revelation that happened in like a flash in early March, 2018. And I thought, okay, if I stay on this road, I will end it. I don't know how, but I will. And it was just, it was just so terrifying. And at the same time I was like, well, yeah, fuck it.

Alex Ruiz (24:27.682)
I was just like indifferent. Cause when you're in that apathetic state of indifference.

That's what leads to people off in themselves is they just stop caring. They're like, why bother? Why bother going through this again? Why bother with any of it? And around that time, I found some great teachers online that started to, I started to coach with, and I'd never had a coach before that. And I always kind of like pushed it away because I'm like,

can do this myself and like I've gotten out of these funks before and I'm a tortured artist and I'm supposed to be this way right all those myths

I definitely idealize being like, oh, it's the throws of being an artist.

I know, I know, and I would always use that kind of, whatever kind of energy that is in creating new kinds of artwork. And so for, know, this again doesn't happen overnight. I was in this funk for like 10 years, you know, because I really kind of went back and went back in the past. there was a time when I was known as a

Alex Ruiz (25:42.968)
dark artist. Like I was known as that. And I took that as a badge of honor because I was creating really cool dark art. And when I say dark, mean demons and zombies and post-apocalyptic scenes and destruction and just all kinds of like nefarious creatures. And I loved it. I was loving it. And to be referred to as a dark artist was

It was fucking cool. was like, yeah, in the online communities, people are like, this is Alex Ries. He's, he's a dark artist, blah, blah. And he's associated with all of these other dark artists. I'm like, fuck yeah. But it wasn't until years after that, that I really started to just, truly end up in these dark places of isolation. And then I.

You know, I stopped taking care of myself. I was drinking, I was smoking, I was just doing all the wrong drugs.

So...

And so by the time 2018 rolls around, I'm like, okay, I'm going to end it eventually. But then I found the coaches and the first two things that really helped me were journaling and meditation. And so that's what I always offer to people who they feel they're in a similar space. like, I don't know where to start. I'm in a low place. And I say, find a meditation practice, even if it's five minutes a day.

Alex Ruiz (27:17.038)
and journal, even if it's five minutes a day. I mean, if you can get them up to 20 minutes each. And so those two things, and then I started, I don't know, unlocking certain things, because I started seeing my thoughts on the paper. I'm like, fuck, I'm thinking these things? Because even if you just straight up write your thoughts literally word for word, and then you read them back, you're like, fuck, this is what's going on inside of me? No wonder I'm fucked up.

Right? So you have that first revelation and then you start doing journaling practices of, how would I like things to be? Like, how would I like my health to be? How would I like my relationships to be? My creativity, right? Then you start writing out how you would want things to be. And then that back and forth is going to help you to basically alchemize a new kind of style of thinking, just like a style of art. You create a style of thinking, right? And how you talk to yourself.

It's all an inside game, right? And so I really started to just dive in and started taking care of myself. And after about six months, I started coming out of that long dark road to suicide and yeah. And I guess a misconception is that we only have one dark night of the soul or one dark night ago. It's like in some ways they got

Fuck.

They got worse after that.

Kristin (28:47.234)
I remember when I thought it was just one. Sweet, tender little Kristen.

He's like, you made it, you made it through. Now it's all just downhill, smooth sailing.

Yeah, I was curious. Was there a part of you that didn't want to let go of the darkness because of maybe some of the muse aspects that can come from that? I know, like for me, I've definitely had, I'm like, okay, if I'm not in the shit, where am I going to pull from the right? Exactly. So I was curious if you had any of those experiences or if it's something like you still access today or?

Alchemize in that way.

Yeah, so in that process in 2018 and then moving forward, I started creating art that was more visionary, people would call it artwork, and a lot of light beings. Even though I wasn't even believing in them yet, I love the idea of fantasy and I've always been drawn to creating fantasy characters. So then I just started creating characters

Alex Ruiz (30:00.462)
that were much more colorful and they all had their third eye activated, even though that hadn't happened to me yet. So I'm like, this is like hippie art and it's cool. Like it's like woo woo art. I wasn't believing it, but it looked cool to me. So then I just kept adding and I see the forehead as basically a blank canvas to put things on.

I'm

Alex Ruiz (30:26.798)
And I had always seen art where people's third eyes were activated. I'm like, okay, I'm going to start putting like light here or symbols here, blah, blah, blah. Cause it looks cool. And I'm like, but it doesn't mean anything to me. And then I started doing like third eye activation meditations because I'm like, well, this dude, Joe dispenses kind of cool. And like, I like what he's saying. I like his story and okay, how he got out of his mess.

as it were, was through visualization. like, okay, I'm start doing his meditations. I started doing those and after a couple of months, my third eye area started lighting up. And then I had even more of a reason to start amplifying the characters that I was drawing with third eye activations, throat activations, heart.

And then soon I was just like, all these characters had all their seven chakras all lit up and they were just like on fire, like spiritually, cause I'm like, I'm feeling it now. And now these characters that I'm birthing are experiencing it too. And we had this shared experience and it was a really beautiful transformation of, of art. And also in 2018, I found Aubrey Marcus and really got into him. And then I was like,

Okay, the thing I do when I get obsessed with someone, I paint their portrait. So I created his portrait because I was a fan of his. And then when I was finished, I'm like, how do I get it to this guy? Like, I don't know this guy. I'm not in his world per se. Like I didn't really identify as a gym bro, but like I could sense that he understood the artist and he was also into psychedelics. So that's when I started learning more about psychedelics through him.

And so eventually his portrait found his way to him and then he reached out to me directly and he's like, this is dope. He's like, let's start our conversation. So that started our relationship. He ended up using that painting as his podcast cover for like five years up until like last year he was using it. And he posted that, it got me a ton more business and all his friends wanted a portrait and blah, blah, blah.

Alex Ruiz (32:53.654)
And so that one portrait was kind of the shift in my life and in my art. And then all the characters started, like I said, becoming activated. And still to this day, and yet now there's a part of me that's like, okay, now I want to go back into the, I don't want to say the darkness. This is where my obsession with horns comes in.

So, and that started on Beauty and the Beast because I was part of the team that designed the beast. And I literally had to figure out his horn structure, like where they came out of his head, where they twisted. And so I studied horns of all animals. And so during the day I was designing beast and then at night I would come home and draw sexy women with horns. Because I'm like, this is what I really wanted to do, sexy women with horns. And then horny women.

Horny women.

I mean, is there anything better? So then I started posting those and people were like, are you a devil worshiper? Like, what the fuck? And I'm like, just because it's horns? Then I got into this story of, you know, how the horns came to be with the devil and how, you know, the God pan was transformed into the devil by the church. it's a fascinating story, but what we believe is the devil with horns came from a

You

Alex Ruiz (34:17.838)
Greek mythological figure who was the god of pleasure, right, Pan. And then when the church took over, they're like, that's the devil now, because no more pleasure, right? So that's how we got horns. So my next series is all horned characters, mostly women, but it's called Woodland Shadows. it's basically these characters that live in the woods and they all have horns. And I'm actually creating a new language, brand new language.

I think you've seen some of the art in studio.

Just a little tiny bit. So. I'm creating a new language? Yes. So cool.

What? Because I'm like, okay, I'm obsessed with Tolkien and Lord of the Rings. I'm like, well, he did it. Fuck. I want to do that shit. I want to create a world, right? So, and up to this point, there's hundreds of drawings that I've done digitally and traditionally that all have horns. I'm collecting them all together and then I'm going to basically make a story.

I was just going to ask if there, I'm like, if we have the characters, like, are they interacting or what kind of stories are evolving with the woodland shadows?

Alex Ruiz (35:30.738)
Yeah, so there is no definitive story yet, but it's coming about in the process, because I'll see a drawing here that I did five years ago, and then I'll see one that I did last week, and I'm like, my God, these are lovers, or these are brother and sister, and they go here, and this is the villain, and this is the hero, and this is the other hero who becomes the villain, right?

So really getting into story and storytelling with this new series is something I'm really excited about, but yeah, they all have horns.

That's cool. I am like digging the evolution and like how you can piece them together. How much time do you spend like dedicated per day to like creating this or other things?

So right now in the past few months, it's getting back to Austin in January has been really organizing thousands of pieces of art. Lots of boxes of physical art, lots of digital artwork. And that again is where this struggle of the inner artist just wants to create all the time. But the other part of me, the responsible,

part of me, which is like, do we need to organize this? Otherwise no one's ever going to see it. And so it's been essentially me becoming my own manager. And so I've been looking for a manager for years and I've tried out a few, few people and had some hard lessons about I need to be super clear on exactly what I want and what I'm doing. I need to become my own business manager.

Alex Ruiz (37:18.55)
And that includes organizing all of this art as almost like a curator. So that then I could start to train a new manager, which will free me up to then go back to creating art. But for now, like I said, me and art were kind of separated. Well, we're amicable because we know we're working things out. We're going to get together again in the future and make amazing.

committed.

Yeah, yeah, but until then it's just structure, organization and strategy.

Which can be creative in its own sense too. I mean, maybe. I'm still trying to wear the, I'm a good business woman hat. Because I'm like, no, I'm a creative. And the stories we tell ourselves. Whenever you're talking about journaling and getting, it's like you're crafting that new vision. And then you mentioned meditation and visualization and crafting that.

Yeah, I'm trying to look at it.

Kristin (38:18.222)
which I'm always so thankful for for having an active imagination, like using that growing up and maybe not as much tablet stuff or that sort of thing. And then he said something about the third eye and I'm like, okay, well, did you do any other third eye activations, say that weren't meditation of the mushroom variety or of the...

Yes. Okay, yeah, let's talk about psychedelics.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely look at your art and I'm like, okay, it feels trippy sometimes. But I'm like, so drawn in by it. And I'm curious if you, if it was like, okay, I'm gonna have a session with psychedelics or mushrooms or whatever variant. then you go create or if it's like, wow, or gather the messages and then I don't.

It's all of It's all of it. So guess going back to when I was 16, that was the first time I took LSD and I was like, my God, what is this? And so me and my friends, we would, you know, go out and do stupid things that 16 year old kids do, but I would always have a sketchbook with me or I would always be drawing. And I was like, this is an amazing tool.

to kind of come along with me while I'm creating. It opens up so many avenues of imagination and thinking and that you just really cannot access, at least I can't access on a sober mind. I can now because I'm able to tap into what those experiences are like. But starting with LSD and mushrooms at 16, 17, and eventually,

Alex Ruiz (40:10.574)
Let's see here, in 2020, I tried Boof-O. Are you familiar with Boof-O?

I'm familiar, but I've never tried it. It's the frog, right? One of the frogs.

Toad venom. And so I look at my life as before Bufo and after. In one 45 minute session completely changed how I feel and believe and look at life and God and the universe. And I didn't know what I was going to get into, but I was guided in a very safe setting.

Well...

Alex Ruiz (40:51.874)
Had I known what I was gonna do, I probably wouldn't have done it because, well, on the one end, it was the most beautiful, profound, blissful, lovely experience. And on the other hand, it was the most terrifying, hellish, horrific, horrific experience of my life. And it kind of went in and out of both, but it ended with bliss and beauty. And...

just to go through that experience and to just come to the realization and awe that the human vessel can experience, something like that. It changed everything. And my art shifted almost overnight after that. I was already doing the visionary art thing, but this just kind of blew it out of the water. And so the art got...

way more psychedelic and way more visionary and colorful and thematic. And because I'd been through that, and now just like with my third eye activation, I can like create these images of transformation because I've been transformed. And so now there's an authenticity to it. You my inner drive towards authenticity was now being matched by my external

creations. And so there was this beautiful symbiosis of inner expression and then outer expression. yeah, and since then, experiencing peyote and wachuma and the more gentler, milder cactus medicines, if you will, every one of these medicines has inspired a new art series. Because each one of these medicines has a distinct visual signature.

that I'm able to not only see while I'm experiencing it, but to bring it back and then put it in the artwork so I can see an artwork and say, okay, that's LSD and that's Wachuma and that's Bufo and that's ketamine and ketamine is a whole other thing because there is no visual signature as LSD. It's almost, you don't know which way is up, which way is down. It's completely, so the art has a very,

Alex Ruiz (43:16.246)
dissociative element because the drug is a dissociative. So yeah, it's fascinating to work while on the medicines. Obviously you can't be too out of your mind because then you can't even see what's in front of you, right? But sometimes it's fun to make a mess while you are in the medicine and you're like, this is the best pain I ever made. And the next day it's like, what is this shit? It's a pile of shit. But then you might find one thing in there that's cool. You're like, that's cool.

that out or you can expand on it and recreate it. Right? So nothing is lost in the creative process.

That's cool. I kind of love the idea of a show of your different images with like, okay, I'm like, can I guess which one is peyote or which one is psilocybin? I that would be kind of cool to see too. I don't know what you would call it, but if you even thought about that, that would be neat, experiential one.

And I love that you brought up authenticity too, because I think that's so important. I know I told you that something like that inauthenticity was going to kill me. And so it's just the reclaiming of me and being okay with the expression of it and its totality. And sometimes that's horizontal crying and then sometimes that's joyful. Right. Yeah, effervescence.

shaming either one or feeling guilty about feeling one or the other. Yeah, I'm curious. So do you explore other forms of art too in that expression in addition to like drawing or painting or?

Alex Ruiz (45:02.766)
In the creation or other people's.

Uh, no, no, mean like in your, I guess both, mean, but really creating wise, like, do you dabble in writing or do you dabble, um, singing, dancing?

Actually, all of it. Okay. All of it, yeah. So as far as music, I'd been playing guitar and piano and somewhat singing, you know, since I was like 10 or 11 years old. So I was always bouncing back and forth between drawing and painting and sculpting and then music. There's always this back and forth.

Always. And in the past year, I've been really kind of just diving into, cause I never consider myself a singer. I could always, I could hold a backup to another lead singer and help with harmonies and stuff, but it was always, the story was like, I'm not a singer because I can't sing and blah, blah, blah. And then I realized that, you know, the body's an instrument and it could be trained. when I started doing breath work seriously,

in 2020, 21, up until this day, I started becoming a better singer. I'm like, no, no shit, right? Duh. Like you get better at breathing, you become a better singer, become a better speaker, because you know how to regulate your breath. So I've been really kind of coming into this new found sense of like, oh yeah, I could sing. And you know, it's not about being great or I can control.

Alex Ruiz (46:47.106)
The voice and the same with drawing, right? The way I love to teach drawing is through writing for people that feel I'm not an artist and I can't draw. And I ask them, can you write your name? And they're like, yeah, like offended. I'm like, okay, it's the same fucking thing. You control the line. You control the drawing. If you can control the line and start by writing your name.

and then writing it bigger and using your full range of motion, Then you can apply that to a drawing. And so for me, breathing and singing, it's like the same thing. You can control the breath, you can control what comes out of the instrument. so yeah, I love to write and sing and play guitar and dance and, you know, use the whole body as an instrument for creative expression.

Mm.

I love that. I'm like, what kind of workshop is gonna be? Like a melting or like a cool little creative cauldron. well. Yeah, a little spice of singing. Since you, after our session, I was like, you know, I'm gonna practice singing more. Or so I've just been singing a little more because it was something that I had done for myself and then.

Creative Cauldron.

Kristin (48:14.188)
I think when my parents were like, you're going to get lessons. like, I don't know. And then, but I remember loving it. And then, and then, know, some friends were like, girl, you can't carry a tune in a bucket. And so that kind of like, but then one of my girlfriends came to visit last week or the week before. she's like, Birdwell, was that a note? Okay. It's been fun to just sing and express myself or like be in the shower in the car.

Yes.

Kristin (48:44.078)
Just play with it. So thank you too. I feel like there's been so much in different aspects that like the birds are chirping louder. And I mean that like hearing them outside of my place and then also this bird. And so I love that. What kind of, I know the workshop that you taught me was like kind of really cool, like a drawing of the face and like a visualization.

and breaking it into different categories and like writing different things down that either wanting to step into or call in or transpire in life. Are there any other workshops that you have percolating or a lot of them similar to that one or what you got going on in that?

Yeah. So yes, a lot of other ideas and I've been writing about this for years also and coming out of the dark night of the ego in 2018, I was like, I want to start an online art school. And so for months I was like, what do I call it? What do I call it? And so I was working on Infinity War, Avengers Infinity War. And I was like, oh, infinite artist.

cool.

Alex Ruiz (49:55.054)
Cool, that's a dope name. So I just started ideating, okay, what would I teach here? And I would bring in, it's not just art, it's art and health, right? So things like breath work and diet and exercise and biohacking and all that. all of these things I'm formulating with the whole artist in mind. If someone just wants to learn how to draw, paint or sculpt, I'll offer that. But there's also gonna be like,

just really stressing the importance of this is the instrument, this is the tool, the whole body and the mind and the spirit so that then you can create what you truly wanna create, right? And so I have one program I'm working on, it's called Artist for a Day. Basically someone just comes and hangs out with me for a day here in Austin at my studio. But we do...

all of my biohacking, exercising, cold pond sauna, routine, food, meditation, psychedelics, and then we make art. So yeah, that's kind of the gist of what I'm working on as like a one-on-one or group offer. And then the Infinite Artists Online is gonna be basically an art school in your pocket. You can take it out anywhere with a sketchbook and draw along to videos I'm creating.

Love it. Yeah.

Alex Ruiz (51:22.058)
And so that'll happen as well.

That'd be cool. It'd be cool to have an interactive Q &A to that too. Like you can take the videos at your own pace, but then hop on a live or ask some questions. And then also connect with the other people of your school. Exactly. And I love that.

Yeah, that's all going to be in there. Yeah. Yeah. Community and yeah, the live element. So I'm going to start off with like three or four live classes a month for a low cost membership and then do a Q and a thing here or there and then create it on a platform like Kajabi or circle where the community element is very interactive, but also have live people are dying and craving the live experience, right?

And I feel here in Austin, this is an amazing community to start offering live workshops and having them be consistently held and run. So I'm more excited about that than anything.

I love that vision. I like your, can I even say it? I don't know, like the Renaissance or the...

Alex Ruiz (52:27.182)
Neo Renaissance, let's go. yeah, yeah. The new rebirth, know, Renaissance means rebirth, right? And I feel that. I know, I'm just assuming everyone.

No, no, no.

Through the dark night, I really go, then we have the rebirth.

Yeah. Well, were we talking about last time that the seminal event that kicked off the Renaissance? was the Black Plague. So that coming out of that experience, people really started to reprioritize what they were doing with their time and their money because half the world just died horrifically. And so we just are coming out of our own little mini Black Plague.

Share.

Alex Ruiz (53:08.366)
you know, COVID, right? And people are starting to reassess like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? So there's this massive crisis of identity that I see happening in the world. And I truly believe that creativity and finding one's own unique creative voice is a way of reconstructing one's own identity in this time of this creative rebirth, you know?

Yeah, I totally believe that that's kind of what we're here to do on this planet. I feel like we came from this beautiful act of creation and we're meant to create in some capacity. And that, for me, that means both the more typical standard thought of creative acts, but also co-creating the lives that we want to live. dancing with the letting go part of that too. Right. Versus fixating on a certain

outcome or attachment to transpire and allowing the surprise and delight along the way.

Yeah, because we want to be surprised. We don't want to know the exact outcome as much as we think we want things to happen exactly as we're imagining. That would just get boring after a while because you wouldn't be surprised by what came about.

And I don't think you're dead on too with the people craving, like the in-person, the interacting, like, so I'm like, I there's fricking zoom. I'm like, back. don't have enough screen time, trust me. I look at my screen time, like, ugh. I love their idea of like.

Alex Ruiz (54:44.322)
video another video

Kristin (54:54.764)
weaving in plays or having different showcases or whether it's live music or plays or art. I love also that element of playfulness. think that's so important, which by the way, I'll share with you later. don't know how much I want to share live on a podcast about a book idea that came through after, I feel like was just a good reset, recalibrating like, book a session with a.

I highly suggest. I love it. Love it. Don't you have a workshop or a showcase coming up too?

Yeah, so I have an art show coming up on June 28th and it's from a series I created in 21. So June 21, I created 26 pieces of art and that was inspired through Peyote. And so that is kind of weaved into that. for me, I consider it my, I don't want to say my best work, but it is really up there.

is dope. At least the two or three that I saw. Right. I was like, whoa, so that's peyote. Okay.

Yeah, so I created these drawings and 26 because I named one after each letter of the alphabet. And so the show is called Delicate Delirium and that name came to me through a peyote ceremony. Wow. And that's when I realized, that's the name of this series that I've been working on. And yeah, so I'm having that show. It's a huge release for me because I've been dying to show this art for four years now. It's just been kind of...

Alex Ruiz (56:33.39)
Some people have seen it, you've seen some of it here, there, snippets, but the gallery is gonna have all 26 pieces on display. And it's gonna be like, we're calling it an interdimensional masquerade ball. So masks, masquerade, yeah, super sexy. We're gonna have a contortionist there. I'm gonna body paint. There's gonna be elixirs, DJs, it's gonna be a dough party, so yeah.

Okay, lock out the calendar for that. Yes, yes. So dope. And how cool, I didn't know the piece about you naming home after a letter of the alphabet.

Yeah, so going back to early June 21, I created 10 drawings and I'm like, what is this series? don't know. I become obsessed and I'm like, I'll just draw every damn day in this style. It's very intricate. It's my most intricate work ever. was all inks, no underdrawing. So literally just going line by line, no undoes. was very...

very focused and then I had a peyote ceremony and the name Delicate Delirium came and I'm like, that's the name of the series Delicate Delirium and that'll be the name of the letter D drawing, Delicate Delirium. I'm like, okay, cool. I just need to create, you know, I created 10. So I was like, need to create 16 more drawings and then I'll name the first one AABB because Delicate Delirium, it just came to me. It's going to be easy. Turns out,

The letter D has more interesting words to juxtapose than any other letter. So in many ways, it was actually harder coming up with the names than it was the actual drawings. And the drawings are very complicated, right? At least I think. anyway. I'm confused. yeah, it was crazy. But like I said, I feel it's my best work.

Alex Ruiz (58:29.506)
ever if there's anything I feel I want to be known for, it's delicate delirium and to finally have the show as a release, right? So that I can then after that, big vision is to teach and to do public speaking and workshops and the online art school really step up as a teacher and then to get re-inspired again to create.

more artwork and to fall back in love with the muse that I feel that I'm separated with right now.

think there could be a lot of inspiration from the students interaction. How cool and exciting too. That's like right around the corner. yeah. That's coming up. Well, is there anything else that you want to share or drop? I think that we're coming up on our time.

Other than just to let people know the power of creativity, the transformative power of being creative and whatever that looks like. So I encourage people to even just find 15 minutes a day to, even if you don't know what you want to create, that's where you start and you journal about it. And then you think, well, what would I like to create for the next 15 minutes? I'm going to write.

things that I would like to create. And a hint is I always tell people or ask people, what do you like? And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, what movies do you like? Music, make a list of all the things you like or love. That's the shit that you draw or paint or recreate or sing or dance or whatever. And the next thing is I would say for people to get the book, Your Brain on Art. Amazing book.

Kristin (01:00:10.956)
I wanna get, okay.

with data and stats about the power of creativity on one's own well-being and how it can transform our lives to be creative.

Yeah, I know that they're being, it's being woven into different like healing modalities, like incorporating an art element or some kind of art healing thing. A of mine actually just told me a really cool where they drew like their addict and then what did they want to do to protect it or, you know, get rid of it. You know, some people crumbled it, some people drew on a shield. So was like, how cool to like use art in that way too.

Yeah. love it. Yeah. You're so welcome, Kristen. So good to be here.

Thank you, Alec.

Kristin (01:00:56.748)
all the stuff or my lovely assistant, Tails, will drop all of the stuff in the show notes. And I'm excited to come to the show. That's dope. I if I'm invited. Okay.

Yeah. you are. People can find out about it on my site, alexruizart.com.

Okay. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you so much.